Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Advice Needed, S'il Vous Plait

Alright ladies and gents, doggies and kitties, martians and mermen - I need some advice. Or maybe I should say, I need your opinions.

Whatever you want to call it - I am all about taking today and not about giving.

Mother Theresa would be so proud.

Anyway - Dan and I are in the process of designing our wedding invitations and for whatever reason, I have found this to be the biggest planning struggle thus far. Apparently when I hear the words "wedding invitation," all creativity and original ideas that I could ever be possible of having in my life decide to take a permanent vacation in Bora Bora with no access to cell phones or email. Bleh - ideas...what little jerks they can be sometimes.

I was so frustrated that I took my woes to the most logical place I could think of: my Facebook status update. I believe I wrote something like "Does anyone know where I can get invitations designed that won't cost me $1,000???" Within hours a lovely lady that we know who has a background in graphic design offered to design the invitations for us as she is trying to build up her portfolio again after taking time off to be with her kids.

Who ever said that social networking sites were worthless? "Not I," said the fly.

I suddenly feel as light as a feather. Well, except for my butt...and my hips...and, ugh - just forget it. Perhaps I should stick with saying I feel relieved and just call it a day.

So now the designing of the invitations has been passed on to a much more qualified participant and I am in the position to simply say "yes I like that" or "can we change this" and these are waters I much prefer to swim in. However, there is one thing that I am unclear about and this is where I need some opinions!!!

Case #440179
Issue of Interest: RSVP etiquette
Decision to be made: Traditional response cards or online RSVP through our website?

Here's the deal - we will be inviting many people from England and America. Because of this, we will be dealing with 2 different types of postage, mailing laws and customs. Let me break it down for you - DJ, cue the music:

Postage: we would have to pay extra to send all the invites to England from America but then, for the response cards, would have to have English stamps on them which, once you do the Dollar to Pound conversion, ends up costing almost $5/response card to send back.

Mailing laws: To mail/post something from England to America, they have to take the actual piece of mail to the post office to get a special "Air Mail" sticker on it. This means special trips to the post office for everyone, which makes me feel kinda bad.

Customs: In England, people purchase their own response card and send to the couple whereas here in the US, the couple sends one along with the invite. So either way, we would be confusing one set of invitees and we would like to simplify as much as possible.

Due to these 3 main reasons, we are thinking that online RSVP may be the way to go. People would simply go to our site, type in their name and either click a 'yes' button or a 'no' button and that would be it. Our aversion to this would be the people who may struggle a bit with computers, but then perhaps other family members could help them? I just don't know and I seem to change my opinion about every 3.78 seconds - so that is where you come in.

Is an online RSVP tacky or just a step in the right direction in this ever-expanding technological and eco-friendly world? How would you feel if you got a wedding invite asking you to RSVP online? I am really open to any and all opinions on this and I thank you in advance for your time :)

I am sure I could have just written this post like this: What do you think about online RSVP? and left it at that, but verbosity seems to always get the best of me.


  1. I don't think it is tacky because you have a reason for doing it! One option you might consider is have your UK guests all submit their response cards to someone in the UK and then you could have that point person send you the whole batch of them...then the ones here could all go to one central person. Just an idea. :) I am old fashioned so I like the was fun to get them and people write cute little notes and it is pretty priceless to get everyone's hand written cards...

  2. If it were me, I would go with the online RSVP due to all of the above mentioned reasons and the fact that most of the world is on computers these days.

    However, there are still alot of people that are definitely computer maybe a verbal RSVP would do? Just a thought...:)

    Have a great day!

  3. I like Heather's idea of having a response card recipient in England. I know this will involve two separate printings (one with American response cards and whatever you'd need to inform the English invitees where to send their response cards.

    The bottom line is you need a head count for various activities and accommodations. Follow the British customs for English invitees and the American custom for American invitees.

    While in your case I don't think the online response venue is tacky, it's just that so many people get their panties in a wad over wedding etiquette. You've already got enough going on without worry that you might be offending the sensibilities of some of your guests. More than likely, most of those in England who are invited won't be able to make the trip (assuming you are getting married in the USA), so allow them to do things in a way that makes them feel they are as personally involved as possible -- like selecting and sending their own response card -- and make it easy for them to respond. They'll probably be sending gifts as well, so no need to make them pay even more with expensive foreign postage.

    I think the thing to keep in mind is that etiquette is all about making others feel comfortable and valued. So base your decision on the most gracious and considerate solution you can.

  4. Keep it simple sweetie.

    RSVP on your website, and if you feel the need, you can include a brief explanation of why. :)

    I wonder what Martha Stewart would advise. (but we don't really care, do we?)

  5. Hello,

    Found you through Cathi @ Everyday Adventures of a Curious Gal. Love the bridesmaid post. Just got back from a wedding myself as a bridesmaid. What a sweet tribute your did for them! :)

  6. I don't think RSVP online is tacky - plus it's environmentally friendly :)

  7. It's NOT tacky! I hate wedding etiquette... just because it was what people did in the old days, doesn't mean that not doing that now is tacky. Times change. And honestly, I would be much more inclined to actually RSVP, and do so speedily, if it were online. And yeah, I think anyone that isn't familiar with computers probably has someone in their lives that can help them out.
    Okay, end rant. But that's what I think. :) Good luck!

  8. so funny you posted this, i got a wedding invitation in the mail yesterday and they want people to rsvp on their webpage. tacky never once came to mind. i havent been on their webpage yet but it says there are photos, directions and updates. think this would be a neat way to share how the wedding planning is coming along to those who do live far away. {and when the wedding is over, you could always make your webpage into a nice book via blurb, shutterfly etc..}

  9. I agree with Heather.

    I still have my RSVP's with their little notes on them.... 21 years later. but they can they also leave a note to you online when they rsvp there?

  10. I think keeping it online is just fine. You're thinking about your guests which makes it perfectly acceptable. : )

  11. Thank you so much for all of the great comments everyone! You have all given me a lot to think about and I so appreciate it!!!!!


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